What is adulting?

Good day to you, folks!

After having taken almost a year off of Galiya/myself in order to live through some crazy stuff, I'm slowly getting back to me, myself and I. Living my life as a 27 year old "adult", alone and with my cat, Huberte. Thank goodness for animal companions!

What is adulting, anyway? Being out of school with a university degree? Finding a permanent 8 to 5 job with a stable income in order to live a comfortable life? Getting married, having kids? Trying not to die of cancer? When do you know that you're an adult, or do you ever really become one?

I am now in the category of having a permanent job with a stable income. After having spent several years working a part-time job while teaching music privately and gigging (a lot of the time for free), I can now say that I'm well off financially. Am I really happy though? Is this really what I want to be doing? Why do I have the constant feeling that I'm wasting my life even more? Will I ever be satisfied? Do I really want to go back to school for the winter term in order to start a whole new program in the fall 2018 term? Is there something wrong with me? What do I eat for lunch?!

I'm in a constant state of questioning my motives, my life and myself. I feel as though I'm abandoning ME while sitting at a desk for 40 hours a week in order to be financially safe and feeling my soul being drained behind a screen and a telephone.

This isn't me. I'm too talented musically to be doing such a thing. I'm strong and independent by nature. I'm determined and motivated enough to find a stable job, so why can't I apply it to musical one? Why have I always been living in fear of pursuing it full time? Why not just....do it?!